I have daughters who are quickly approaching young womanhood. The topic of beauty and appearance is coming up more and more often in our home these days. With our culture so saturated with images of women depicted as simply objects to lust after, or androgynous figures who are no different than men, it can be confusing for young women to know how to think about how they look.

How should our daughters really feel about their own appearances?

For that matter, how should we as grown woman feel about ours?

It’s important to me that my girls have a healthy, balanced view of beauty and femininity. I want them to know it’s okay to want to be pretty, and put effort into our appearance. I also want them to know that we shouldn’t be obsessed with how we look. We shouldn’t think that our appearance somehow makes us better or worse than other people, either.

A pure and beautiful heart is infinitely more important that how we look. My girls need to know this.

How will I instill this in them?

Model a correct mindset for them

One important way I can help my daughters have a healthy view of their appearance is to model it for them. If I am obsessed with my weight, or always complaining about some feature I see as a flaw, or constantly concerned with how others judge my looks, my daughters will follow that example. At the same time, if I put effort into my appearance without letting it become all-consuming, I am showing them a healthy way to look at beauty. It’s important for me to be content with the body God gave me while doing my best to take good care of it. This includes careful grooming, nutrition, and fitness.

Teach them the difference between caring for their appearance and being vain

It’s okay to want to be attractive; it is not okay to be vain about it. Vanity is having an attitude of superiority because of your appearance. It is an unpleasant trait, and certainly one I don’t want my daughters to develop. I want to teach them that God created them the way they are and they owe him gratitude for that. Because He made them, they have a duty to care for their appearance. Simple as that.

Encourage them to focus on developing inner beauty

We’ve all heard the saying, “Beauty is as beauty does.” It’s true, isn’t it? Have you ever met a woman who was outwardly beautiful but swore like a sailor? Or had a mean streak that could leave a wake of despair and destruction a mile wide? Or was so selfish she behaved as if everyone in her life was there to serve and bow down to her? Did it really matter how pretty she was?

I want my daughters to know the importance of being kind and compassionate. It is so much better to be a generous, loving person than to be able to win beauty pageants.

Remind them of their femininity 

As women, our femininity is such a gift! Being a lady is such a privilege. I love to wear pretty, feminine clothes, heels and scarves and jewelry, and I want my girls to embrace their femininity in the same way. No, they don’t have to love heels and scarves, but I hope they will love being women and desire to express that through their appearance. I hope they will want to look like ladies. There are so few ladies left in our culture. What a breath of fresh air it can be to those around us when we bring out our lovely femininity.

Show them beauty can be practical

Our family lives in the country. We have farm animals. We have gardens. And of course, we have plenty of mud. It may not be practical to go around in silk blouses and 4” heels everyday. But I still try to make an effort to put on makeup, dress in a clean and attractive outfit, and fix my hair everyday. I am trying to teach my girls to do the same. I think it’s important to our own sense of wellbeing and overall attitude to look presentable everyday.

Help them appreciate their own unique form of beauty 

Real beauty comes in many forms. We each have our own personal expression of beauty. A woman is always most beautiful when she is being true to who she was created to be. I want my girls to be comfortable with being themselves. That will translate into them becoming their most beautiful selves. Confidence in who they are is a gift I am trying to give all of my children, especially my daughters.

As my girls continue to mature, I am beginning to see each of them develop these views—with their own individual slant. One of my girls is more outdoorsy, yet she still knows how to put together a lovely look for herself. Another of my girls is a girly girl who loves to prettify herself, but she is coming to understand the balance that is needed.

I love seeing my daughters grow and learn in areas like this. It’s such a privilege to able to teach and encourage them as they grow into beautiful young women.